Verity Johnson: Why is garden furniture so expensive?

Verity Johnson: Why is garden furniture so expensive?

Verity Johnson is an Auckland-primarily based author and small business owner.

Opinion: I hate chain furniture retailers.

Largely simply because I consider home furniture is a metaphor for the lustful pleasure of everyday dwelling. And inevitably every single chain retail outlet can take that vibrant chaos and chops it up into blocks and blocks of similar, brick-like sofas the colour of the beige sack you drown wild cats and childhood innocence in.

But far more importantly, have you seen how highly-priced the normal outdoor lounge established is!?

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They are all about $4000! On sale! For a rattan sofa that looks like two dung-coloured Tetris blocks smashed together from straw and PVC glue in a junior university artwork class!?

My god. No surprise they are all named immediately after exotic places. It is a reminder that you could have a 7 days in paradise for the same rate as a lounger which is as comfortable as a carrot grater.

I’m positive you have been considering this lately far too. Just after all, this is the time of the yr when we all acquire out of doors home furnishings. We have received the optimism of January in our blood. New calendar year, new you, new sun-kissed loungers for glamorous get-togethers with your pals … and this is the week when you go on the internet, seem at the charges and cry.

Anything new is in the hundreds. Even on TradeMe anything respectable is still over a grand, and even the garbage things is likely for hundreds of pounds.

“After all, this is the time in the year when we all buy outdoor furniture. We’ve got the optimism of January in our blood,” writes Verity Johnson.


“After all, this is the time in the calendar year when we all acquire out of doors household furniture. We’ve received the optimism of January in our blood,” writes Verity Johnson.

I viewed 7 independent bidders struggle like rabid jackals more than the corpse of a single, rotting, $1 reserve, picket outdoor bench. It went for $250. I stared at the victorious winner and wished several prolonged, gangrenous splinters upon them.

“You,” I whispered, “are the difficulty.”

And to some extent, they are. If we’re all eager to fork out extortionate quantities for outdoor household furniture then it retains the marketplace value substantial. An individual out there – I never know who? Drug dealers with aspirations of middle class acceptance and serving tiramisu on the deck? But someone out there is spending 1000’s for outdoor home furniture sets. Which is why stores can sell them for the identical rate as a nose job or a second hand Mazda.

But to a better extent, the people aren’t the challenge. It’s the home furniture-vendor-cartels.

See, there is a motive why we’re prepared to invest so substantially on sunshine loungers the colour of mild disappointment. It’s since the soul of our nation life on the deck.

Verity Johnson: “I watched seven separate bidders fight like rabid jackals over the corpse of one, rotting, $1 reserve, wooden outdoor bench. It went for $250.”


Verity Johnson: “I watched 7 different bidders combat like rabid jackals over the corpse of just one, rotting, $1 reserve, picket outside bench. It went for $250.”

We never have a lot of national rituals. But come summer months, we all collectively wake up and choose to weed the garden, stain the deck, and invite the neighbours about. Then we’ll all get drunk and complain about one thing even though we burn up sausages. And it is the only time in the yr when Kiwis are able to actually chat about things.

Here, in the boozy, bitchy bonhomie of the barbecue, we finally sense safe enough to triumph over our emotional constipation and link with every single other. And exactly where does that transpire? Exterior, on a couch, preferably staring into the middle distance to keep away from direct eye contact.

So outside home furnishings suppliers know they’ve received us by the heartstrings. They know that when we acquire rattan seats, we’re truly getting the opportunities for friendship and spouse and children time. And they know that we’ll pay by the nose for that. So they know they can be gangsters and charge extortionate charges. Cos what ya gonna do about it, guv?

Practically nothing, actually. You can pay best greenback, you can drag your sofa outdoors each individual afternoon, or you can do what I do and rely down the days till IKEA opens and breaks the rate stranglehold.

But until finally then, the Malibu Daylight Theft Set in Beachy Teak will continue being our weak location. And we will preserve spending a large tax on our souls.